What does Media really teach you about you?

I recently came across this talk by Colin Stokes at the TED conference.

He references one of my favorite children's movies of all time - The Wizard of Oz.  Having played the Lion in our High School's version of the Wizard of Oz, I grew to love the characters and the books by Frank L. Baum.

About a year ago, I saw the Wizard of Oz was on sale and so I excitedly bought the DVD version for my children.  I sat down with them with anticipation that they would enjoy excitement and the story as much as I did.  They were bored out of their minds. It wasn't until I saw Mr. Stokes talk, however, that I figured out what it was.

As I listened to Mr. Stokes, I was reminded of another speaker, Mr. Rogers.  Mr. Rogers is another media personality that my children have no idea about. In this video, Mr. Rogers spoke with some of the representatives of Congress.

Nowadays, movies and television don't contain these elements anymore.  We have added CG battles, blowing up buildings, and increase the sexual appeal.  But does it really teach us who we are? Does it teach us who we were born to be?

Think of the last movie or television you watched.  Consider what it taught you about who you are. Did it resonate inside of you and make you feel things you hadn't felt in a long time? Or did it simply entertain you for a few moments, but had no lasting effect?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Man of Steel - (There may be a few spoilers here, but I will do my best to not spoil it for those who haven't seen the movie)

Superman, as we see him portrayed today is not the way that Superman originally started. If you want to learn more about the history of Superman, you can read more about it here.   Although that was very interesting, I want to talk more about the overall character of one of my favorite superheroes.

In the new movie, Man of Steel, there are some very obvious parallels to Jesus Christ.  Consider what we know about Superman...

• He once lived somewhere else before being sent to earth by his father.
• He came with remarkable powers unlike anything that had been seen before.
• He was adopted by father who loved him and felt responsible to protect this son with remarkable gifts.
• He didn't reveal his powers until he was grown.
• His real father found ways to continue to reveal further information and hope to his son.
• He came to save the world from evil.
• General Zod also believes that he has a mission to achieve and he is going to achieve it by force.
• General Zod enlists his own support to help him achieve his mission. 
• Clark feels the pressure of being Superman, almost forsakes it, but then then accomplishes what he was sent to do.

I don't know about you, but that sounds very familiar.  I was speaking with a friend about how the Plan of Salvation could be so obviously paralleled in a Superman movie.  I shared with him a theory that I have been considering for a very long time.

Here it is.

Even though we can't remember what it was like in the Pre-existence, I believe that the Plan of Salvation - including the War in Heaven, the need for a Savior, our relationship with Heavenly Father, etc. has been written within our DNA.  And as such, when writers begin to write stories - they draw from ideas that are deep within who they are.

For example - the Story of Hercules -

A half god/half mortal is sent to earth where he has to battle the forces of evil in honor of his father.

Thor

A god with a brother who is a trickster. He comes to earth to help the human race.

Finding Nemo-

A son is separated from his Father, but through growing experiences and support of others they are reunited again.

The Fairytale Princesses - Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel

Each one loses their father, are thrown into the lone and dreary world where they are treated horribly, only to be rescued by a prince.

Lion King

A lion loses his father and forgets who he is, but finally learns his true identity and overcomes evil to become the King.

The Lord of the Rings

A young hobbit is given a tremendous burden, one in which he must have help to carry, but ultimately having to face the burden alone.

Star Wars, Harry Potter, E.T, Spiderman.... the list continues.  I believe that one of the reasons why Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and other Billion Dollar Successes have been so successful is that it resonates deep within us and stirs our remembering of God's plan of the happiness of His children.  A story that is full of evil forces trying to destroy us along with the hope of a Hero who will save us. 

And Man of Steel does the same thing:

Clark asks a question many of us have asked, " I have so many questions. Where do I come from?" 

In another scene, Jor-El said to his son, "You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind  you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders."

Throughout the movie I got a little misty eyed, especially when both father's Jor-El and Jonathan spoke to their son.  I could imagine how Heavenly Father spoke with his Son, especially as he was beginning his mission here on earth, how Joseph must have spoken with Jesus too.  And although I recognize that Superman is not real, the movie made me reflect on the one who truly has been sent to save us. It helped me ponder upon the burdens he carried, the battles he fought and won, and the love He has for the entire world, including little old me. 

Fish Sauce and Star Trek (Spoiler Alert)

I use a frequent saying "If you think somebody is perfect, you haven't hung out with them long enough."  Well, if you have hung out with me long enough, you will know that I have a perfection problem.  I hate that I am not perfect. I hate that I make mistakes and I stress out when things are not exactly the way that I want them to be.  

I hide it pretty well, but truly, if you hang out with me long enough, you will see it.  One of the problems with that is that I try to perfect my children too.  As a therapist, I know how profoundly dangerous it is to perfect on our children.  As Brene Brown said, children were wired to struggle - what they need is someone to tell them that they are worth it... not that they are not good enough.

I have written about that before... watching my son play T-ball and getting all wound up when he didn't stand in the right place, do what the coach said, pay attention, etc.  It is something that I have been working on letting go for awhile.

This past weekend, I was at a men's retreat.  It was my night to help with dinner and we were having Hmong Egg Rolls and Coconut Lemon Ginger Chicken Soup. I had requested the ingredients to be purchased before I arrived and had full confidence that they would be there.  However, when I started to look through the purchased items, one glaring item was missing.  The fish sauce.

Fish sauce is basically anchovy juice, water and salt. Not the most appealing sauce for sure, but it is wonderful and absolutely essential in many South-East Asian Dishes.  I looked through the cupboards frantically, but could not find it. I asked one of the leaders if fish sauce had been purchased.  The answer was unclear. And I needed it.  Without it, the soup would not be... well.... perfect.

And so I drove an hour down the mountain to find an Asian store that was located another 30 minutes away (It was the only one that was showing up on my navigation device) and then another hour back up the mountain.  The whole time I was feeling the anger building and building and building inside!  I was yelling at no-one in particular saying, "See!  See! If you want something right, you have to do it yourself!  I can't believe that I am driving down the mountain because of fish sauce!"

But then the therapist inside of me said, "Oh goodie, Troy!  This is just the opportunity that you need to help you deal with your perfection issue.  I told the therapist part of me to shut up.

When I arrived back up at the cabin, I started to make dinner.  I had to breathe deeply several times in order to calm myself.  Then I started into the recipe for the soup.  It called for ginger and garlic for the springrolls.  I started looking all over for the garlic and the ginger.  They were missing too.  NO GINGER AND GARLIC!  UGH!  I was so mad that I hadn't seen they were missing before I drove two hours to get fish sauce. 

Another guy offered to go to a near by small gas station/ market to see if they had ginger or garlic, but didn't have a car and the likelihood of them actually having ginger and garlic was zilch!  So I had to make the soup without the ginger and the egg rolls without garlic.

I had a hard time accepting that there wouldn't be garlic or ginger.  I keep looking in the cupboard hoping that in some miracle I would find some.  In one of my repeated searches, I moved a bottle of something and there hiding in the corner was a small bottle of fish sauce.  "You have got to be kidding me!"  I said to myself.  I felt like the lesson was just getting richer.  I couldn't help but laugh at my own insanity.

The soup and the egg rolls were delicious even without the garlic or the ginger. As I sat with that experience, I felt that God had set it up that way because He needed me to learn a valuable lesson about perfection, anger, and letting things go. The experience was made just for me.  I realized how ridiculous it was that I drove 2.5 hours for a small bottle of fish sauce that we didn't even need.

Now you may be wondering what in the world this has to do with Star Trek.  In the latest Star Trek movie,  Into Darkness, Captain Kirk and his crew have to fight a formidable foe.  One who is one a search for perfection.  

His wrath is unleashed when that quest is interrupted by a bunch of flawed humans who inadvertently made a mistake.  Khan, genetically engineered to be superior to humans in every way is forced by another man to create a warship to control the galaxy.  Both Khan and Admiral Alexander Marcus had their own ideas about the way things were supposed to be.  When things didn't go their way, they went out of their way to force it leaving devastation in their wake. 

I don't want to do that any more. I see how perfectionism hurts instead of helps.  I don't want to have any more fish sauce moments. But I probably will.  Change does not happen over night.

Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ, wrote:  Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord... nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that am!  Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do easily beset me." (2 Nephi 4:17-18).

Nephi was frustrated with himself.  Maybe he had been working on some things and they didn't work out the way that he had hoped.  His father had just died.His brothers were being rebellious. He was called upon to lead his family.  He was overwhelmed. He wasn't perfect and it was showing.

But Nephi did something that I did not do.  He didn't drive two hours out of his way to fix it. This is what he writes, "Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.  My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions. " Instead of trying to fix it by himself, he turned to God, as he had done numerous times before and said, "I can't do this... will you Help me."

As I realized this during my retreat, I realized that I don't have to carry the burden of perfection anymore and I don't have to try to perfect my children either.  I can turn to God and let His light remind me that most things that I stress out about (money, meals, etc) are really as minor as fish sauce.  In the eternal scheme of things, most of the things that I worry about don't really matter.

I can continue to stress out about it and watch the devastation happen in my family, not unlike the wrath of Kahn, or I can turn to the Lord and say, "It's only fish sauce and let it go."

Sometimes I hear people chatting about a film, one they can't recall the title and my ears perk.  I inconspicuously draw near and listen to the key words.  "You know, the one where Edward Norton's got like multiple personalities or something." Easy, Primal Fear. "Yeah, yeah, it's like a courtroom drama or something." Like I said Primal Fear.  "But what is it called," they say as they stand in a stupor.  Now I have been summoned and I come off all nonchalant, like I  just happened to catch a line.  "I think you may be talking about Primal Fear," I say all subtle and cool.  They of course agree and thank me for my coincidental involvement.  

For some reason I take pride in this.

What is your Core?

Yesterday after my wife and I tramped out in the middle of the desert all morning (we are preparing to go a commemoration pioneer trek with the youth of our church to help them better understand the principles of faith, commitment, perseverance, and ultimately a reliance on our Savior, Jesus Christ), we were exhausted.  And if you haven't had the opportunity to meet our children, you really underestimate the amount of energy these two children have. Because we left all of our energy out next to two dying Sonoran catcus, we decided to take our kiddos to the movie Rise of the Guardians.

This isn't a movie review, though.  This is just a few of the thoughts that I had as I watched it.

At one point in the movie, Santa was speaking to Jack Frost about finding his center.... finding his core.  As I have worked with hundreds of clients, I have truly discovered just how crucial this task is.  Often times clients are trying to "find themselves".  I have wrestled with this terminology for a very long time, mostly because as eternal beings, coming up with a few sentences to describe ourselves just doesn't seem to do us justice, nor the God who created us.

However, when I think of the term "find our core", this I believe is realistic.  It is finding our mission. Our purpose.  Although we were sent to earth to learn and grow and return back to heaven, I also believe that we have a much deeper purpose.  My wife's grandma was known for saying, "Leave it better than you found it."  That rings in my ears as I consider my life here on earth.  Am I leaving it better than I found it.  For me,  finding my core has truly helped me have the passion and energy to continue forward.

In the movie, the darkness is seeking to overtake the world by destroying the faith of children.  Unfortunately, this is more fact than fiction.  However, the darkness could only be over come (spoiler alert) by living true and resonating with one's core.

One of Pitch Black's tactics was the use of shame.  "What will others think of you?".... "You failed".  His strategy was to cause fear instead of faith.  Again, the correlations to real life seem quite apparent. It is a tactic that I see played out daily. The fear to be real, the fear to stand up, the fear to say no. The lies are quite convincing.  And as the lies are believed the world just gets darker.  

But when Jack finally comprehends what his core is by exploring his past, (by the way... as a therapist, I loved that!), he was able to join with others who also knew their core and together fight the darkness.  One of the most powerful lines of the movie was as Jack was speaking to Pitch, "I believe in you. I'm just not afraid of you anymore."  It is when we truly comprehend our core that we have the courage to no longer be afraid.

There are many other messages that stood out to me from the film, but the last one I want to point out is the desire to be seen.  (Another spoiler alert)  Throughout the movie, Jack longs to be seen by the children, but they can't see him.  It is that fact that Pitch uses to try to destroy Jack.  In the end of the movie, however, the children are able to see Jack... and they love him.

The analogy for this one runs deeply for me.  There is a desire in many people to be noticed and appreciated by others.  It isn't an egotistical attitude or even a selfish one.  I think it comes from that same place of doubt, fear, and shame that causes people to see themselves as less than they truly are.  And so they look to others hoping for validation.  "Am I a good enough husband, wife, father, mother, employee, etc."  "Do you see me?   Do you see the good in me?"  

It is deeper than worrying what someone else thinks.  It is the desire to be seen, and more importantly, loved.  It is the antidote to shame.... Do you see me and do you love me?  It is what makes connections possible.  I see you and you see me and we both like/appreciate/love/accept what we see without judgment. 

The feeling to be seen most commonly shows up when we are feeling lonely.  We look out into the grandness of the world and wonder if anyone truly knows if we even exist.  And then when we feel seen, when someone pays attention to us, or reaches out to connect with us, it is one of the most magical feelings on the planet.

For me, the movie taught some pretty deep lessons.  Lessons that I hope my children will hold on to as they grow up:

1. They are someone special and have been sent here with a purpose.

2. Part of their journey on this planet  is to discover their purpose and then fulfill it to their best ability.

3. They don't have to journey on this world alone.... there are others who will support and love them.

4. Beware of the lies from the darkness that will try to shut out understanding of the principles of faith, individual worth, and true identity.

5. When we are authentic, we also allow ourselves to be seen and loved by others.

6. It is our responsibility to love others as well.

And all of that from a kids movie....  Who would have thought?

And the Multitude Gave Way

As I was reading my scriptures this morning, I came across a sentence that I have never noticed before.  I was reading in the Book of Mormon the account of when Jesus Christ appeared to the Nephites after he had been resurrected. He had just finished healing all those who were afflicted with any ailment or sickness.  He then invited the children to come unto Him.

And the record reads: So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought unto him. (Vs. 12)

The words that stood out to me were "And the multitude gave way till they all had been brought unto him."  In my own words that meant that they got out of the way.  They moved back to allow those little ones the chance to be with the Light of the World.

The more I sat with that sentence the more profound it was to me.  I began to ask myself, "Self... how often do I get in the way of someone else coming unto Christ?"  

I began to contemplate how I get in the way.  There are many ways that I could come up with... Selfishness, inflexibility, trying to control the situation, lashing out in anger, judging others, refusing to ask for forgiveness... I could go on.

As I sat with this further, I realized that those who got out of the way had already had a remarkable experience with Him. They had each had the opportunity to spend a few minutes individually with Him, feeling the prints in His hands and feet.  They had been given His sacrament blessed by Him, and then they had been healed.

But the little ones also needed chance to be with Him too.  I can image them trying to get a look at him by reaching up on their tip toes to look over shoulders or between legs to see Him.  Parents were likely encouraging them to be still and listen - not unlike what happens at church.

But then He invited them to come unto Him and they began to come.  And the multitude got out of the way.

A few months back, we put my son in T-ball.  This was his first experience with an organized sport. He was excited and he was 5.  If a plane flew over, he would stop in the middle of a practice and look over head.  He was very distractible.  He struggled to listen to the coaches and did his own thing (like any typical 5 year old).  

His behavior stirred something up inside of me.  I wanted him to be really good at this sport.  I needed him to be good at this sport.  I had never played in an organized sport my entire childhood (okay, I played one game of soccer in the 1st grade and then quit... so that doesn't count).  I knew how the lack of playing in such sports had affected me in my ability to connect with the boys in school.  I didn't want my son to have to experience that kind of disconnection.

And so I would jump right in and tell him what to do.  "Ben, stand over here!'  "Ben, hold the bat this way."  "Ben, run!"  Every time he wasn't doing it right, I would get involved and tell him what to do.  And then I looked around.  All of the other parents were sitting back in their folding chairs, just letting the coach handle things.  At that moment, I realized that I was trying to control my son and needed to get out of the way.

And so I let Ben be Ben.  I sat with the other parents and watched as my son grew and learned with the other children.  He started to have fun because I got out of his way. And the truth is... I had a better experience too.  I was more relaxed and at peace.

I learned a valuable lesson...  there are times when it is necessary to guide, support, encourage, and teach each other along the path.  And there are times to get out of the way.  

In the experience in the Book of Mormon, the Savior Himself had invited the children to come unto Him.  Had I been there, I wouldn't have needed to tell my son or daughter to "sit down" or "be quiet" ... I would have just let them be them and let Him be in charge of the situation.

It is a form of surrender that I had not really considered much.  There are times in which I just need to get out of the way.  

In the Book of Mormon account, the experience became one of the most sacred of all accounts - so much so that there were not words to really record what happened.  Angels came and ministered to the children, Jesus Christ prayed for them:

"And the things which he prayed cannot be written ... and after this manner do they bear record: The ^aeye hath never seen, neither hath the ear heard, before, so great and marvelous things as we saw and heard Jesus speak unto the Father; and no ^atongue can speak, neither can there be written by any man, neither can the hearts of men conceive so great and marvelous things as we both saw and heard Jesus speak; and no one can conceive of the joy which filled our souls at the time we heard him pray for us unto the Father."

All of this occurred, in part, because the multitude got  out of the way.

Now days mormons are taking center stage