Thursday, October 10, 2013

Gravity: Best Backdrop Ever





From the opening scene, Gravity blankets the background of each shot with earth, entrenching every moment with unique perspective.  Even being alone, floating silently in space seems to be a small thing in the face of the seemingly living, all-engulfing, blue/green sphere.   A category 5 hurricane looks small and beautiful, even harmless and pristine.   The hue of the ocean magnifies it's universal sense of calm and the zigzagging, rugged land stretches and turns with no signs, borders or indication of indifference.  The grandeur of it all is staggering but the story is simple: two people in space fighting to live.  The title refers to more than the earth's permeating attractive force; something far from thought when watching weightless mass float magically in space.  But the movie calibrates at every turn, adding more and more weight, making things heavier with each moment; giving the film a sense of gravity itself.

First time space traveler and scientist Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and experienced shuttle pilot Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) are in space working on the Hubble Telescope.  They've been warned by Houston's control center that satellite debris traveling faster than a bullet is headed their way.  Without much time for escape the shuttle gets pummeled by orbiting shrapnel and Stone gets propelled into space.   As she's spinning out of sight into nothingness, the earth's bellowing presence gives one the sense of her physical and mortal insignificance.  A spinning speck in the darkest abyss.  I remember seeing Deliverance as a teen and being awed by the story of human capability, especially with the reality of doom.  Since, I have often wondered of my own capabilities and limitations in the presence of  assured defeat.  But this isn't killer rednecks here, this is hopelessness personified.  This is outer space.  Stone is to be defeated by a faceless foe, by darkness itself.  

The triumph of human will is celebrated in prose.   It is often the backdrop of many films and books.  It is something man gravitates toward without reasoning.  The idea that anyone, regardless of talent, accompanied with the right mindset can achieve hero status or conquer a nation.  That ordinary can accomplish extraordinary.  Or, in other words, a spinning space speck can stop spinning and will itself back to earth.   And no story of human triumph would exist without the accompaniment of self-sacrifice.  Eventually, with the aid of a prototype jet pack, Kowalski finds Stone and tethers himself to her.  They then head toward the international space station.  Stone admits some personal stuff to Kowalski and begins illustrating the why behind an obvious and physically expressed sadness.  Kowalski is mr. cool, a 'been-there-done-that' sort of guy.  He latter becomes the sacrificial lamb that would act as catalyst for Stone to save herself.  He has far less emotional baggage and therefore less emotional gravity.  He doesn't have a problem with letting go. 

Gravity (the film) screams various depths of uniqueness, it's incomparable nature allows it to stand out in film cannon and it's timeless essence gives it a hopeful sense of longevity.  I don't recall having such a visceral and genuine reaction to any other film.  The perspective of life and death played in the foreground of a silent world is more then just a mechanism or artificial devise.  It's more than a metaphoric vehicle and more than a genius digital accomplishment.  It is, in essence, the realization of one's own flaw-filled and ego-driven perspective hallowed out to insignificance.  The world is so much bigger and heavier than what we see, yet what we see makes us feel bigger than what we are.   In other words, gravity is metaphysically pulling at our mass both physically and emotionally.  The less baggage we have and the less 'weight' we carry, the less earthbound we are.












Sunday, October 6, 2013

I Miss You Already

It was little more than a year ago that I was flying back home from somewhere. As I was waiting in Phoenix to catch the puddle jumper plane back to Yuma, a man walked by.  He looked really familiar. I was pretty sure that he was from my ward in Yuma. Over the past few years, I had become very introverted, especially at church.  I wasn't planning on talking to him.  Truth be told, I was hoping he wouldn't notice me.

He came up to me and asked if I was Brother Love. I told him that I was and asked what his name was.  He said his name was Jack.  I told him that I recognized him from my ward.  We started to talk. The seating in the waiting area was full and so we sat around the corner.  We started talking about what brought us to Yuma. It was a great conversation. It was so good that we didn't even notice that they had called our flight... three times. They were just about ready to shut the doors when we heard the last call and scrambled to the door before it was too late.

A few weeks later, Jack asked if I wanted to watch the last Batman movie with him. It was the beginning of a great friendship.

Over the years, I have had some painful experiences with people whom I trusted. As a result, I have been less and less willing to be vulnerable with anyone.  The result is a double edged sword. One side allows me to not be hurt because I don't let anyone in.  The other side is that I felt exceptionally lonely. I needed friends who I could hang out with and share things with. But I wasn't willing to open up... AT ALL.

I realized that I needed to be willing to be more open, but at the same time I wasn't willing to try.  And then Jack came over to me in the Phoenix airport, I thought I would give it a shot.

Jack loves golf.  I had never played a day in my life (unless of course you count miniature golf).  My wife had bought me golf clubs two Christmas's ago and they have sat in my garage ever since.  Jack invited  me to play a round with him.  He has a knack for getting someone to do something outside of his comfort zone.  He was patient with me as he taught me how to swing the clubs and understand the game. It was a most amazing day for me.  It healed a part of me that has been wounded for a very long time.

Jack and I started talking about our passions and desires. We both like to write.  We decided to start a blog together.  This is it.  Jack is the other geek dad.

Since that time, Jack and I have spent a lot of time together. We have grown to be great friends.  My relationship with him has been healing  in so many ways. I believe him to be one of my closest friends.

Last Monday, Jack moved to out of town for a new job opportunity. It was only been a week and I miss him already. I just wanted to publicly share my appreciation for you, Jack.  I appreciate your authenticity. I appreciate your deep desire to be the best father you can be and the example that you set as you interact with your family.  I am so grateful for your testimony and your reaching to be a better man - physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I appreciate your kindness and that you see good in me.

Thank you, Jack, for being willing to come talk to me at the airport.  I am so glad you did.  It was one of those life changing moments... and it has truly changed my life.

I think of this Irish Blessing:
May the Road Rise up to meet you
May the wind be ever at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall softly on your fields.

And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To bless you and keep you safe from all harm
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet

Thank you, Jack, for being my friend. I will always be your friend.  God be with you.

- Troy



Monday, August 26, 2013

What does Media really teach you about you?

I recently came across this talk by Colin Stokes at the TED conference.
He references one of my favorite children's movies of all time - The Wizard of Oz.  Having played the Lion in our High School's version of the Wizard of Oz, I grew to love the characters and the books by Frank L. Baum.
About a year ago, I saw the Wizard of Oz was on sale and so I excitedly bought the DVD version for my children.  I sat down with them with anticipation that they would enjoy excitement and the story as much as I did.  They were bored out of their minds. It wasn't until I saw Mr. Stokes talk, however, that I figured out what it was.
As I listened to Mr. Stokes, I was reminded of another speaker, Mr. Rogers.  Mr. Rogers is another media personality that my children have no idea about. In this video, Mr. Rogers spoke with some of the representatives of Congress.
Nowadays, movies and television don't contain these elements anymore.  We have added CG battles, blowing up buildings, and increase the sexual appeal.  But does it really teach us who we are? Does it teach us who we were born to be?
Think of the last movie or television you watched.  Consider what it taught you about who you are. Did it resonate inside of you and make you feel things you hadn't felt in a long time? Or did it simply entertain you for a few moments, but had no lasting effect?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Man of Steel - (There may be a few spoilers here, but I will do my best to not spoil it for those who haven't seen the movie)


Superman, as we see him portrayed today is not the way that Superman originally started. If you want to learn more about the history of Superman, you can read more about it here.   Although that was very interesting, I want to talk more about the overall character of one of my favorite superheroes.

In the new movie, Man of Steel, there are some very obvious parallels to Jesus Christ.  Consider what we know about Superman...


  • He once lived somewhere else before being sent to earth by his father.
  • He came with remarkable powers unlike anything that had been seen before.
  • He was adopted by father who loved him and felt responsible to protect this son with remarkable gifts.
  • He didn't reveal his powers until he was grown.
  • His real father found ways to continue to reveal further information and hope to his son.
  • He came to save the world from evil.
  • General Zod also believes that he has a mission to achieve and he is going to achieve it by force.
  • General Zod enlists his own support to help him achieve his mission. 
  • Clark feels the pressure of being Superman, almost forsakes it, but then then accomplishes what he was sent to do.
I don't know about you, but that sounds very familiar.  I was speaking with a friend about how the Plan of Salvation could be so obviously paralleled in a Superman movie.  I shared with him a theory that I have been considering for a very long time.

Here it is.

Even though we can't remember what it was like in the Pre-existence, I believe that the Plan of Salvation - including the War in Heaven, the need for a Savior, our relationship with Heavenly Father, etc. has been written within our DNA.  And as such, when writers begin to write stories - they draw from ideas that are deep within who they are.

For example - the Story of Hercules -
A half god/half mortal is sent to earth where he has to battle the forces of evil in honor of his father.

Thor
A god with a brother who is a trickster. He comes to earth to help the human race.

Finding Nemo-
A son is separated from his Father, but through growing experiences and support of others they are reunited again.

The Fairytale Princesses - Snow White, Cinderella, Rapunzel
Each one loses their father, are thrown into the lone and dreary world where they are treated horribly, only to be rescued by a prince.

Lion King
A lion loses his father and forgets who he is, but finally learns his true identity and overcomes evil to become the King.

The Lord of the Rings
A young hobbit is given a tremendous burden, one in which he must have help to carry, but ultimately having to face the burden alone.

Star Wars, Harry Potter, E.T, Spiderman.... the list continues.  I believe that one of the reasons why Star Wars, The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and other Billion Dollar Successes have been so successful is that it resonates deep within us and stirs our remembering of God's plan of the happiness of His children.  A story that is full of evil forces trying to destroy us along with the hope of a Hero who will save us. 

And Man of Steel does the same thing:

Clark asks a question many of us have asked, " I have so many questions. Where do I come from?" 

In another scene, Jor-El said to his son, "You will give the people an ideal to strive towards. They will race behind  you, they will stumble, they will fall. But in time, they will join you in the sun. In time, you will help them accomplish wonders."

Throughout the movie I got a little misty eyed, especially when both father's Jor-El and Jonathan spoke to their son.  I could imagine how Heavenly Father spoke with his Son, especially as he was beginning his mission here on earth, how Joseph must have spoken with Jesus too.  And although I recognize that Superman is not real, the movie made me reflect on the one who truly has been sent to save us. It helped me ponder upon the burdens he carried, the battles he fought and won, and the love He has for the entire world, including little old me. 


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Fish Sauce and Star Trek (Spoiler Alert)

I use a frequent saying "If you think somebody is perfect, you haven't hung out with them long enough."  Well, if you have hung out with me long enough, you will know that I have a perfection problem.  I hate that I am not perfect. I hate that I make mistakes and I stress out when things are not exactly the way that I want them to be.  

I hide it pretty well, but truly, if you hang out with me long enough, you will see it.  One of the problems with that is that I try to perfect my children too.  As a therapist, I know how profoundly dangerous it is to perfect on our children.  As Brene Brown said, children were wired to struggle - what they need is someone to tell them that they are worth it... not that they are not good enough.

I have written about that before... watching my son play T-ball and getting all wound up when he didn't stand in the right place, do what the coach said, pay attention, etc.  It is something that I have been working on letting go for awhile.

This past weekend, I was at a men's retreat.  It was my night to help with dinner and we were having Hmong Egg Rolls and Coconut Lemon Ginger Chicken Soup. I had requested the ingredients to be purchased before I arrived and had full confidence that they would be there.  However, when I started to look through the purchased items, one glaring item was missing.  The fish sauce.

Fish sauce is basically anchovy juice, water and salt. Not the most appealing sauce for sure, but it is wonderful and absolutely essential in many South-East Asian Dishes.  I looked through the cupboards frantically, but could not find it. I asked one of the leaders if fish sauce had been purchased.  The answer was unclear. And I needed it.  Without it, the soup would not be... well.... perfect.

And so I drove an hour down the mountain to find an Asian store that was located another 30 minutes away (It was the only one that was showing up on my navigation device) and then another hour back up the mountain.  The whole time I was feeling the anger building and building and building inside!  I was yelling at no-one in particular saying, "See!  See! If you want something right, you have to do it yourself!  I can't believe that I am driving down the mountain because of fish sauce!"

But then the therapist inside of me said, "Oh goodie, Troy!  This is just the opportunity that you need to help you deal with your perfection issue.  I told the therapist part of me to shut up.


When I arrived back up at the cabin, I started to make dinner.  I had to breathe deeply several times in order to calm myself.  Then I started into the recipe for the soup.  It called for ginger and garlic for the springrolls.  I started looking all over for the garlic and the ginger.  They were missing too.  NO GINGER AND GARLIC!  UGH!  I was so mad that I hadn't seen they were missing before I drove two hours to get fish sauce. 

Another guy offered to go to a near by small gas station/ market to see if they had ginger or garlic, but didn't have a car and the likelihood of them actually having ginger and garlic was zilch!  So I had to make the soup without the ginger and the egg rolls without garlic.

I had a hard time accepting that there wouldn't be garlic or ginger.  I keep looking in the cupboard hoping that in some miracle I would find some.  In one of my repeated searches, I moved a bottle of something and there hiding in the corner was a small bottle of fish sauce.  "You have got to be kidding me!"  I said to myself.  I felt like the lesson was just getting richer.  I couldn't help but laugh at my own insanity.

The soup and the egg rolls were delicious even without the garlic or the ginger. As I sat with that experience, I felt that God had set it up that way because He needed me to learn a valuable lesson about perfection, anger, and letting things go. The experience was made just for me.  I realized how ridiculous it was that I drove 2.5 hours for a small bottle of fish sauce that we didn't even need.

Now you may be wondering what in the world this has to do with Star Trek.  In the latest Star Trek movie,  Into Darkness, Captain Kirk and his crew have to fight a formidable foe.  One who is one a search for perfection.  

His wrath is unleashed when that quest is interrupted by a bunch of flawed humans who inadvertently made a mistake.  Khan, genetically engineered to be superior to humans in every way is forced by another man to create a warship to control the galaxy.  Both Khan and Admiral Alexander Marcus had their own ideas about the way things were supposed to be.  When things didn't go their way, they went out of their way to force it leaving devastation in their wake. 

I don't want to do that any more. I see how perfectionism hurts instead of helps.  I don't want to have any more fish sauce moments. But I probably will.  Change does not happen over night.

Nephi, in the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ, wrote:  Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord... nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that am!  Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do easily beset me." (2 Nephi 4:17-18).

Nephi was frustrated with himself.  Maybe he had been working on some things and they didn't work out the way that he had hoped.  His father had just died.His brothers were being rebellious. He was called upon to lead his family.  He was overwhelmed. He wasn't perfect and it was showing.

But Nephi did something that I did not do.  He didn't drive two hours out of his way to fix it. This is what he writes, "Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.  My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions. " Instead of trying to fix it by himself, he turned to God, as he had done numerous times before and said, "I can't do this... will you Help me."

As I realized this during my retreat, I realized that I don't have to carry the burden of perfection anymore and I don't have to try to perfect my children either.  I can turn to God and let His light remind me that most things that I stress out about (money, meals, etc) are really as minor as fish sauce.  In the eternal scheme of things, most of the things that I worry about don't really matter.

I can continue to stress out about it and watch the devastation happen in my family, not unlike the wrath of Kahn, or I can turn to the Lord and say, "It's only fish sauce and let it go."



Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Sometimes I hear people chatting about a film, one they can't recall the title and my ears perk.  I inconspicuously draw near and listen to the key words.  "You know, the one where Edward Norton's got like multiple personalities or something." Easy, Primal Fear. "Yeah, yeah, it's like a courtroom drama or something." Like I said Primal Fear.  "But what is it called," they say as they stand in a stupor.  Now I have been summoned and I come off all nonchalant, like I  just happened to catch a line.  "I think you may be talking about Primal Fear," I say all subtle and cool.  They of course agree and thank me for my coincidental involvement.  

For some reason I take pride in this.


Sunday, December 2, 2012

What is your Core?



Yesterday after my wife and I tramped out in the middle of the desert all morning (we are preparing to go a commemoration pioneer trek with the youth of our church to help them better understand the principles of faith, commitment, perseverance, and ultimately a reliance on our Savior, Jesus Christ), we were exhausted.  And if you haven't had the opportunity to meet our children, you really underestimate the amount of energy these two children have. Because we left all of our energy out next to two dying Sonoran catcus, we decided to take our kiddos to the movie Rise of the Guardians.

This isn't a movie review, though.  This is just a few of the thoughts that I had as I watched it.

At one point in the movie, Santa was speaking to Jack Frost about finding his center.... finding his core.  As I have worked with hundreds of clients, I have truly discovered just how crucial this task is.  Often times clients are trying to "find themselves".  I have wrestled with this terminology for a very long time, mostly because as eternal beings, coming up with a few sentences to describe ourselves just doesn't seem to do us justice, nor the God who created us.

However, when I think of the term "find our core", this I believe is realistic.  It is finding our mission. Our purpose.  Although we were sent to earth to learn and grow and return back to heaven, I also believe that we have a much deeper purpose.  My wife's grandma was known for saying, "Leave it better than you found it."  That rings in my ears as I consider my life here on earth.  Am I leaving it better than I found it.  For me,  finding my core has truly helped me have the passion and energy to continue forward.

In the movie, the darkness is seeking to overtake the world by destroying the faith of children.  Unfortunately, this is more fact than fiction.  However, the darkness could only be over come (spoiler alert) by living true and resonating with one's core.

One of Pitch Black's tactics was the use of shame.  "What will others think of you?".... "You failed".  His strategy was to cause fear instead of faith.  Again, the correlations to real life seem quite apparent. It is a tactic that I see played out daily. The fear to be real, the fear to stand up, the fear to say no. The lies are quite convincing.  And as the lies are believed the world just gets darker.  

But when Jack finally comprehends what his core is by exploring his past, (by the way... as a therapist, I loved that!), he was able to join with others who also knew their core and together fight the darkness.  One of the most powerful lines of the movie was as Jack was speaking to Pitch, "I believe in you. I'm just not afraid of you anymore."  It is when we truly comprehend our core that we have the courage to no longer be afraid.

There are many other messages that stood out to me from the film, but the last one I want to point out is the desire to be seen.  (Another spoiler alert)  Throughout the movie, Jack longs to be seen by the children, but they can't see him.  It is that fact that Pitch uses to try to destroy Jack.  In the end of the movie, however, the children are able to see Jack... and they love him.

The analogy for this one runs deeply for me.  There is a desire in many people to be noticed and appreciated by others.  It isn't an egotistical attitude or even a selfish one.  I think it comes from that same place of doubt, fear, and shame that causes people to see themselves as less than they truly are.  And so they look to others hoping for validation.  "Am I a good enough husband, wife, father, mother, employee, etc."  "Do you see me?   Do you see the good in me?"  

It is deeper than worrying what someone else thinks.  It is the desire to be seen, and more importantly, loved.  It is the antidote to shame.... Do you see me and do you love me?  It is what makes connections possible.  I see you and you see me and we both like/appreciate/love/accept what we see without judgment. 

The feeling to be seen most commonly shows up when we are feeling lonely.  We look out into the grandness of the world and wonder if anyone truly knows if we even exist.  And then when we feel seen, when someone pays attention to us, or reaches out to connect with us, it is one of the most magical feelings on the planet.

For me, the movie taught some pretty deep lessons.  Lessons that I hope my children will hold on to as they grow up:

1. They are someone special and have been sent here with a purpose.
2. Part of their journey on this planet  is to discover their purpose and then fulfill it to their best ability.
3. They don't have to journey on this world alone.... there are others who will support and love them.
4. Beware of the lies from the darkness that will try to shut out understanding of the principles of faith, individual worth, and true identity.
5. When we are authentic, we also allow ourselves to be seen and loved by others.
6. It is our responsibility to love others as well.

And all of that from a kids movie....  Who would have thought?